Mother: Leaving a Trace
Posted: Monday, February 16, 2009
by Tex Norman
My mother is in her 70's and her health is not good. She has been fighting cancer for several years, and had other geriatric problems that put her in the hospital frequently. She walks with a walker, and as unpleasant as the truth is to admit, I must admit that her time with us is limited. Duh. Right? Time is limited for all of us. Still, we are getting hints that her time is very limited, and so there is motivation there to savor our time with her, to pay a little more attention to her. Usually it is so easy to zone out, postpone contact, as if we had all the time in the world, and that death was a false rumor. The last time I saw my mother in the hospital it was clear to me that death is not a false rumor. So I've paid more attention, recently, and that is when I discovered that my mother has written a book.
When I finally got the manuscript I was shocked to find it runs almost 500 pages. I've not been churning out articles for Searchwarp lately because I am preparing the manuscript, correcting typos, and adding illustrations. I've asked the family to send me old family photos to include in the book.
There is a company I have used for my own work, lulu.com, and I am using that company to publish my mother's book. Lulu is a great company, because they have a program that allows you to prepare a manuscript for publication, pick a cover, and a binding type, and for all that they charge you nothing. Lulu has some ad-on services that they do charge for, like ISBN upgrade, custom covers, etc. but if you are doing a book of family memories and you want it available to the family, then lulu.com is perfect. If you use only their basic services the company charges you for the copies ONLY. It is a Publish On Demand company, so they print the books when the orders are received. Lulu will publish one copy or one thousand.
The point of all this is that it is easy for anyone to write a memoir of their life, publish it in a quality book form, and it can be available to children, grandchildren and extended family and friends. As I edit my mother's book I am shocked by the insight I am gaining into my mother's life. What is happening to me, as I go through her book is profound, moving, and something I find I am cherishing. There have been years that the relationship between us has been troubled, we have not been all that close, and a lot of the time my mother was a stranger to me, but all that has changed as I read her memories of childhood. Through my mother I am also learning what my grandparents and aunts, and uncle were like. I am getting insight into what it was like to grow up during the Great Depression.
I am certain that my mother's book will be one of the greatest gifts she has ever given to me, and her family. If I had one wish it is that she had written more. I wish she had shared more of her life, and how she thought and felt about the events she experienced. It makes me think how important this act is for all of us. We all should be writing a book about our life.
Wouldn't you cherish a diary or a memoir written by your mother, or father, a grandparent, a great grandparent? A few years ago I read a letter written by a great, great, great grandmother. She was making a comment about men shaving their faces. This woman wrote that she could not imagine men with shaved faces, and wrote,
Kissing a man with a shaved face would be like kissing a woman.
I got a kick out of that comment.
So here is my point. We all should be writing about our life and preparing that writing in some form so it will be available to your family, and easily preserved. I am so thankful that my mother wrote nearly 500 pages of memories from her childhood. I wish it was 5000 pages, or even more. If this manuscript is valued by me, considering how strained our relationship has been, can you imagine how much your children, and yet unborn great, great grandchildren will value a record of your life, your thoughts, your feelings.
Write about your life, and use lulu.com , or your local copy center, or leather bound journal to preserve a trace of who you are, for those future generations who will see your name in a genealogical list and wonder who you were, what you were like, what you valued.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Tex.This is an excellent recommendation. And thanks for the tip about lulu.It is really wonderful that your mother has done this. I wish mine had.Have a great day!DianneWrite about your life. It is a gift. It is a gift so easy to give, especially for a writer like you, and yet it is a gift so rarely given. Thanks for your comment.
Tex, I agree with Dianne. This is a beautiful thing your mother did and I wish mine had, too. I'd love to have some of her written sermons or sermon notes. It's wonderful you are having her memoirs published. God bless you!I couldn't tell if it was too late, or if you still had a chance to gather some of her writings together. I am so sad that so many people we love seem unwilling to preserve bits of their life for us, and for those who come after. I had a friend, a lot older than me, who was recuperating after gall blatter surgery (back when they cut you in half, none of that orthoscopic stuff) and he shared hours of stories about his life and experiences during World War II. I was lost in those stories and I know his children and grandchildren would be blessed if he just made a record of his life. I tried to get him to just tell the stories again with a cassette recorder going, but he just wouldn't do it. It is easy to fuss at others, but most of us are not doing what we are asking our loved ones to do. Put your notebook where you sentiments are and start leaving a trace of yourself behind. Like those credit card commercial say, the notebook will be a low price, but what you put inside it is "priceless."
hi tex,what a wonderful gift. i am putting off doing the same thing, out of apprehension and fear, i suppose.one day, however, i will. thanks for sharing, and i'm glad you have received so much from the magic of 500 pieces of paper. your mom is a smart woman.my best regards,sue thomWhen I found out she had this book, and asked to see it, my mother complained that I was the first of her six children that asked to read it. She said not even her husband had read it. But I didn't know the book existed. I am not sure if any of my siblings knew mother had written this book. It is really hard to read a book that you don't know exists. I hope you will write about your life and I hope you will do what needs to be done to make it available to your family. My mother was smart to write this manuscript. It is a little Norman Rockwell sweet. I know that she had hard times, and that my grandfather was abusive at times, and none of that is in the book. She could have done a "warts and all" depiction of her life, but she didn't want to do that. So be it. It is her book. Even without the warts this is really a priceless record of her life and while it may not hold value for the world, it is of great value to me. You too can give your family something priceless, with a value that can never be calculated.
Incredible story, Tex. I am writing my lifestory. Now I am even more encouraged to do so. I'm glad you have this tie with your mother. God bless you, sir.Dear Ken: write. Fame is nice and unlikely for all of us, but the to leave your family and friends a written account of your life is one of the greatest gifts you can give. I never knew this until I read my mother's book. Peace be with you.
Wonderful article, Tex. Cherish your mother--you are so lucky to have her book. I lost my mother and father suddenly--no chance to prepare. Today I have two books published by American book Publishing about my father (Amos Jakey) and about my mother (Nicolina). I only wish they had still been living when I wrote and published them. Thanks for the info abou LULU; I'm not happy with my publisher and won't use them with my next book. I may try Lulu.SandraPlease do consider Lulu. I don't work for them, and get nothing from promoting them, but I have used them for 7 books and I have been very happy with the quality of the finished product. I have also used there extra services, but you certainly don't have to do that if you just want your manuscript in print for friends and family.. I believe you could actually promote your book and perhaps get a lot of copies sold. I haven't, but then, I'm no sells person.
I am so sorry about the loss of your parents. I'm sure they would be honored that you have written about them.
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