I Was Gunna Be a Comedian, but Everyone Laughed at Me
Posted: Friday, December 26, 2008
by Tex Norman
Some people are funny, and some people are not. This does not mean that telling jokes is God given talent. Anyone can become a good jokester because joke telling is a learned skill. 1. Be in the mood.
Steve Martin explained how to get in a funny mood. He would take a piece of bologna, cut it in half, put one half of the bologna in his left shoe, the other half in his right shoe, and then when he put his shoes on he "felt funny."
It may be hard to tell a joke, but it is impossible to tell a joke if you don't know any jokes.
To learn jokes, to build a r eservoir of jokes you have to listen to jokes, and as soon as you hear a good one, try to tell it to at least three other people as soon as possible.
3. Practice
Practice telling jokes when you are alone. The way a joke is worded matters.
If someone plops a gooy mass of mucilage on your plate as you pass through a lunch line you could tell the following joke.
POOR WORDING
"Am I suppose to eat that, or is this something I've already eaten."
BETTER WORDING
"Am I suppose to eat that, -- or DID I?"
4. Personalize the Joke -- act like it is just a story about your day, not a joke.
If there is any way to modify the joke so you are telling it as if it happened to you, then you can lull your listeners into thinking they are hearing an anecdote, and won't realize it is a joke until the punch line.
Example:
"I use to smoke, and one winter, cold blustery day, on my way to work I noticed that I was almost out of gas. So I pulled over to this self-service station over on Elm, you know that one, the Circle K, right?"
"Yeah," says a listener.
"Well it was cold and I didn't have any gloves so I pulled my sleeve up to cover my hand as best I could while I pumped gas. When it got full the pump clicked off and you know how it does some times, it splashed a little gas out and it got on my sleeve. Well, I got in the car, started driving in to work, and I lit up a cigarette and before I know it my sleeve just burst into flame.
[You may get some comments, or at least big eyes at this point.]
"I rolled down my window and stuck my burning sleeve out the window trying to wave the fire out as I started weaving around on the road, and suddenly lights came on behind me, a siren went off, and a cop pulled me over an arrested me.
"Why?" someone will likely say. If they don't just pause and give the punch line.
For waving a FIRE ARM i n public. "
5. Kid jokes, Short Jokes and Story Jokes
It is a good idea to have reservoirs of kid jokes, short jokes and story jokes, but if you don't consider yourself a good pop off witty person, then stick mostly to story jokes. Most of us are familiar with telling stories about our day with peers, and family members. Since you already tell stories on a semi-regular basis, just learn some story jokes and mix them in from time to time.
Oddly enough, kid jokes will sometimes work with grow ups, but they are especially good in a mixed crowd. By mixed crowd I mean a crowd of kids and their parents. The parents will be thrilled if you pay a little attention to their kids and tell them some kid jokes.
Kid Joke
What is the scariest number? Seven. You know why? Because Seven ate Nine.
Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have any guts.
Short Joke (adult)
We were so poor I couldn't pay attention.
My dad use to tell me, "Son, if ignorance was bliss you'd be blistered all over."
Story Joke
Two guys were out walking their dogs, saw a bar and one guy says to the other one, "Hey, let's go in there and get a beer."
"They aren't going to let us in a bar with dogs."
"Sure they are, watch this." The first guy puts on sunglasses, pretends to be blind, walks in with his dog and orders a beer. So the second guy gives it a try. He puts on his dark glasses, and comes in with his dog, pretending to be blind.
"Hey," says the bar tender. "You can come in here with a dog."
"It's not just a dog," says the second guy. "It's a seeing-eye dog."
A Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog?" asks the skeptical bar tender.
"They gave me a Chihuahua ?!!!!!??"
When you hear a story joke told by a consummate joke teller you will find that these long jokes already have built in character, timing the punch line is perfectly worded and delivered with just the right panache so try learning to tell the joke as close as possible to the way you heard it. At least do this until you develop your own story telling skills and then people will be imitating your way of telling the joke.
Offensive Jokes
Offensive jokes are called offensive, because they often offend listeners. Telling these jokes at work can open you up to allegations of sexual harassment. A bunch of beer drinking polker playing guys, or Apple-tini drinking girls, free of the kids for an evening, and yeah, there may be a place for the offensive and raunchy, but watch it. Be careful. Think.
NOTE: laughter can also be a form of embarrassment. Just because people laugh at your naughty jokes doesn't mean the aren't offended. They may just be so shocked and embarrassed that they don't know how to respond and a nervous tentative laugh leaks out. This is NOT a signal that you are home free.
NOTE: Know your audience. Some people may be offeneded by Catholic jokes, while another group would be perfectly OK with Catholic Jokes.
NOTE: There is probably a line around every topic and once you go outside that line you have crossed into an offensive zone. Just because you heard it on TV doesn't mean that it won't offend the people standing next to you. It is an odd phenomena, but people will often endure and even enjoy a joke told on a stage or on TV by a comedian, but if you tell the same joke around the water cooler at work you are going to step on toes, offend people, strain working relationships, and perhaps even jeopardize your job.
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